Brené Brown’s Values List: Why You Should Only Pick 2 Core Values

I’ll be honest: when I first heard Brené Brown say you should only have two core values, I thought she’d lost it.

Two? Just two? I’m a good person. I value lots of things. Family, honesty, creativity, health, freedom, loyalty, justice, humor… the list went on. How was I supposed to pick just two without essentially declaring that everything else didn’t matter?

But here’s the thing. Brown wasn’t asking me to care less about those other values. She was asking me to stop lying to myself about what actually drives my decisions when things get hard.

And that? That’s a completely different question.

The Problem with Valuing Everything

Brown’s done something most researchers never do: she’s interviewed thousands of people about courage, shame, and leadership. Like, actually sat down with CEOs, teachers, parents, military officers, artists, and asked them uncomfortable questions about what matters when you’re making the hardest calls of your life.

What she found is that the most grounded, courageous people (the ones who sleep well at night) can name their top two values without hesitation. They know what they’re about. And when they have to choose between two good things (or two bad things), they’ve got a filter.

Everyone else? We’re out here spinning our wheels, trying to honor seventeen different values simultaneously, and wondering why every decision feels impossible.

“If everything is important, then nothing is truly a driver,” Brown says. Which sounds harsh until you realize she’s right.

Think about the last time you faced a genuinely tough choice. Not “should I get tacos or pizza” tough, but the kind where either option meant disappointing someone or compromising something you cared about. What did you actually use to make that call? Because I’m guessing it wasn’t your carefully curated list of twelve values.

It was probably two, maybe three things that felt absolutely non-negotiable.

What This Exercise Actually Is

So Brown created this values exercise that’s become kind of legendary in leadership circles. She’s taken more than ten thousand people through it at this point. It’s part of her Dare to Lead work, and it’s deceptively simple.

You start with a list of about a hundred values (everything from Accountability to Whimsy). You circle the ones that resonate. Then comes the hard part: you narrow it down to two.

Not ten. Not five. Two.

And then (this is where it gets real) you define what those values actually look like in your behavior. Not the pretty, aspirational version. The honest version, including all the ways you betray those values when you’re scared or tired or overwhelmed.

Brown calls these “slippery behaviors.” The warning signs that you’re acting outside your integrity.

I’m going to walk you through the whole thing, but first, let me tell you why this isn’t just another self-help exercise you do once and forget about.

Why Only Two? (And Why That’s Harder Than It Sounds)

When Brown first tried this exercise herself, she fought it. She wanted to keep “family” in her top values. Of course she values family! She’s a mother, a partner, a daughter. How could she possibly drop that from her core values?

But when she really got honest about her decision-making, she realized her two core values were actually faith and courage. And here’s the twist: those two values were the reason she could show up for her family the way she wanted to.

Her faith told her how to see people, including her kids. Her courage helped her have the hard conversations, set the boundaries, be vulnerable. Family wasn’t gone. It was supported by her core values.

This is the pattern Brown kept seeing. Your core two values are like the trunk of a tree. All those other values you circled? They’re branches. They only flourish if the trunk is strong.

But getting there requires some pretty uncomfortable honesty about what you actually prioritize when push comes to shove.

The Complete Values List

Alright, here’s the list. Don’t overthink this part. Just read through and notice which words make something in your chest go “yes, that.”

You’ll probably circle ten to fifteen. That’s normal. We’re going to narrow it down after.

Brown leaves some blank spaces too, in case your value isn’t on the list. Don’t be precious about the exact wording. What matters is what the word means to you.

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How to Actually Do This Thing

Step 1: The Easy Part (Circle Everything That Resonates)

Go through that list again. This time, circle or write down every value that feels important to you. The ones that, if someone asked “do you value this?” you’d say yes without hesitation.

Don’t edit yourself yet. This isn’t the time for strategy.

You’re probably going to end up with somewhere between eight and twenty circled values. Maybe more if you’re having an existential crisis, which… fair.

Take about ten minutes with this. Trust your gut. If you’re debating whether something counts, it probably doesn’t. The real ones will feel obvious.

Step 2: The Part That Makes You Squirm (Narrow to Two)

Okay. Now comes the uncomfortable bit.

You need to get from your ten-ish values down to two. Not “my top tier of five,” not “my primary cluster.” Two words that you could tattoo on your forearm and use as a decision-making filter for the next decade.

Here’s how Brown suggests you do this. For each value you circled, ask yourself:

Does this define me when I’m at my absolute best?

Is this who I am when I’m acting with integrity?

Do I actually use this as a filter when making hard decisions?

Would I feel like I’d betrayed myself if I acted against this?

That last question is the killer. Because lots of things are nice. Lots of things are admirable. But how many things would make you feel sick to your stomach if you compromised them?

Start cutting.

This is where people get stuck. So let me tell you what Brown says: you’re going to want to pick values you think you should have. Values that sound good. Values your parents would approve of or that make you look like a good person.

Resist that. Hard.

Pick the values you’ve actually demonstrated through your behavior over the past year. The things you’ve consistently chosen, even when it cost you something. Even when it would’ve been easier to choose differently.

One guy in Brown’s research kept trying to include “family” in his core values because he loved his family. But when he looked at his actual decision-making patterns, he realized he consistently prioritized “achievement” and “recognition” over family time. That was brutal to admit. But admitting it meant he could actually start making different choices, because now he knew what he was fighting against.

If you’re stuck between three values, look for overlap. Do two of them point to the same thing? Honesty and truth might both live under “integrity.” Generosity and service might both be expressions of “contribution.”

Sometimes you’ll realize one value is actually the tool you use to live another value. Like, you might value creativity not for its own sake, but because it’s how you express your core value of freedom or authenticity.

Keep digging. Get uncomfortable. You’re looking for the two things that feel most like you.

Step 3: Make It Real (Define Your Behaviors)

Alright, you’ve got your two values. Maybe you went with Integrity and Growth. Or Courage and Faith. Or Freedom and Connection.

Now here’s where most people stop, and where the actual power of this exercise begins.

You need to define what these values look like in action. Not the Instagram version. The real, messy, Tuesday-morning version.

For each of your two core values, write out:

Three to four supporting behaviors. These are the specific things you do when you’re living this value. Not vague aspirations. Actual behaviors someone could observe.

Let’s say one of your core values is Courage. A supporting behavior might be: “I speak up in meetings when I disagree with the plan, even if I’m the only dissenting voice.” Or: “I have uncomfortable conversations within 48 hours instead of letting resentment build.”

See the difference between that and “I’m brave” or “I face my fears”? One is concrete. The other is a fortune cookie.

Three to four slippery behaviors. This is Brown’s term for the warning signs that you’re abandoning your value. The things you do when you’re scared, exhausted, or protecting yourself.

For that same Courage value, a slippery behavior might be: “I stay silent in meetings to avoid conflict, then complain to my partner later.” Or: “I send a passive-aggressive email instead of picking up the phone.”

These are going to sting a little to write down. Good. That means you’re being honest.

One real example. Think of a specific time when you fully lived this value. Not a hypothetical. An actual memory. What happened? What did you do? How did it feel?

This grounds the whole thing. Values without examples are just words on a page.

Let me show you what this looked like for Brown herself.

One of her core values is Courage. A supporting behavior she wrote down was: “Choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy.” A slippery behavior: “Choosing silence over what is right.”

Her other core value is Faith. A supporting behavior: “Finding the face of God in everyone, even people I disagree with or who’ve hurt me.” A slippery behavior: “Dehumanizing people when they’ve hurt me, hating the person instead of the behavior.”

You see how specific that is? And how human? She’s not claiming she always gets it right. She’s acknowledging exactly where she tends to fail.

That’s the whole point.

Step 4: Tell Someone (This Is Non-Negotiable)

Here’s the thing about values work: it doesn’t mean anything if it stays in your journal.

Brown’s research found that the people who actually change their behavior after doing this exercise are the ones who share their values with someone they trust. A partner, a friend, a colleague, a coach. Someone who can call you out when they see you sliding into your slippery behaviors.

This doesn’t have to be a big dramatic moment. Just: “Hey, I did this values exercise. My two core values are X and Y. Here’s what they mean to me. Would you be willing to point it out if you see me acting out of alignment with these?”

Most people will say yes. And most people are weirdly good at spotting when you’re betraying yourself, because it’s obvious from the outside even when you can’t see it.

If you’re in a leadership role or on a team, Brown suggests doing this exercise together. Everyone shares their two values and their behaviors. You start to see why people make the choices they do. Why one person always pushes for more time (maybe they value Quality) while another pushes to ship fast (maybe they value Action or Efficiency).

It doesn’t mean anyone’s wrong. It just means you understand each other better.

Tracking your values and behaviors consistently can be challenging, which is why many people find structured reflection helpful. Tools like the Intelligent Change Five Minute Journal can make this daily practice more manageable.

The Mistakes Everyone Makes

I’ve watched enough people do this exercise now (including myself, multiple times) that I can spot the patterns. Here are the ways people consistently screw this up.

Mistake 1: Picking aspirational values instead of actual values

This is the big one. You pick “balance” because you want to have better work-life balance. But if you look at your calendar from the last three months, you’ve consistently chosen work over rest. That means “achievement” or “success” is probably more honest.

The goal here isn’t to pick values you wish you had. It’s to name the values you’re already living by, even if they make you uncomfortable.

You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge.

Mistake 2: Keeping it vague

“I value courage.” Okay, cool. What does that mean for you, specifically, on a random Wednesday?

If you can’t name the behaviors, the value is useless. It’s just a nice word you like.

This is why Step 3 matters so much. The behavior definition is where the rubber meets the road.

Mistake 3: Trying to honor ten values simultaneously

Look, I get it. You’re a complex person. You contain multitudes. But decision-making doesn’t work that way.

When you’re standing at a crossroads trying to figure out which path to take, you can’t consult a committee of ten values. You need a quick, clear filter.

Brown found that only about 10% of people can actually live by more than three values consistently. The rest of us are fooling ourselves.

Two is hard enough.

Mistake 4: Confusing values with goals

“Success” isn’t really a value. It’s an outcome. Same with “wealth” or “achievement” in the narrow sense.

The real question is: why do you want success? Is it because you value recognition? Security? Freedom? Impact?

Dig a layer deeper. The value is the why, not the what.

Mistake 5: Picking what sounds good instead of what’s true

This is subtle, but it matters. Maybe you keep trying to include “health” in your core values because you know you should care about health. But when you look at your choices (what you eat, how you move, how much you sleep) you’re clearly prioritizing other things.

That’s information. Don’t fight it. Use it.

You can’t shame yourself into different values. You can only get honest about what you actually care about, and then decide if you want to change.

What Happens When You Get This Right

There’s this moment that happens when you really nail your two core values. Everything gets… quieter.

Not easier, exactly. But simpler.

Because suddenly you’ve got this filter for every decision. Should I take this job? Does it align with my values of Freedom and Learning? Should I say yes to this commitment? Does it honor my values of Family and Service?

Sometimes the answer is no, and that’s okay. You’re not saying the thing is bad. You’re just saying it’s not for you, not right now, not given who you are and what you’re about.

Brown talks about how this reduces decision fatigue. And it does. But it also does something deeper: it gives you a sense of integrity. Like your insides match your outsides. Like you’re not constantly betraying yourself in small ways that add up to a quiet, persistent shame.

Research backs this up, by the way. There’s a whole body of work on values affirmation showing that when people spend even just ten minutes reflecting on their core values, they show lower stress responses, better performance under pressure, and more resilience in the face of challenges.

One study at Stanford found that students who wrote about their core values before a stressful test had significantly lower cortisol spikes and performed better than students who didn’t. Not because the values magically made them smarter, but because they could access what they already knew without the fog of anxiety.

When you’re connected to what matters, the small stuff stops feeling so overwhelming.

How This Connects to Other Frameworks (For the Nerds)

If you’re into psychology or personal development, you might be wondering how Brown’s approach relates to other values frameworks out there.

The VIA Character Strengths assessment, for instance, identifies your top strengths out of a list of 24. That’s different from Brown’s exercise. VIA is looking at your natural inclinations, your trait-like qualities. Brown’s asking what you prioritize when you have to make hard calls.

They overlap, though. If your top VIA strength is Honesty, there’s a good chance Integrity or Truth is one of your core values. If you’re high in Curiosity, maybe Learning or Growth shows up.

Then there’s Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which uses values clarification as a core component of treatment. ACT therapists help clients define their values across different life domains and then commit to actions that align with those values, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Brown’s approach is basically a concentrated version of that. Same idea (values as a compass, behavior as the proof) but stripped down to the essentials. Two values. Specific behaviors. Ongoing practice.

The power in Brown’s version is the forced choice. ACT might have you articulate values in work, relationships, health, spirituality, and so on. Brown says no: find the two that cut across everything. The ones that show up no matter what domain you’re in.

It’s harder. It’s also clearer.

If you want to explore Brown’s full framework in depth, her book Dare to Lead walks through not just the values exercise, but how it connects to courageous leadership, vulnerability, and building trust in teams.

The Questions People Always Ask

Can my values change over time?

Yep. Brown recommends revisiting this annually. Sometimes a major life event shifts what matters to you (having kids, losing someone, a health scare, a career transition). Your values might evolve.

But if you’re changing them every few months, you’re probably not being honest about what they actually are. Core values should feel pretty stable for at least a year or two.

What if my partner has different values?

This is actually useful information. If you value Adventure and your partner values Security, that explains some friction, right?

The goal isn’t to have identical values. It’s to understand each other’s decision-making filter. When your partner says no to something, you can ask: “Is this a Security thing?” And they can say yes, and you can negotiate from there instead of just feeling rejected.

What if my workplace has stated values that conflict with mine?

Brown would say that’s a red flag. If you’re spending forty-plus hours a week in an environment that asks you to betray your core values, you’re going to burn out. Or worse, you’re going to start compromising who you are.

Sometimes you can carve out a role that lets you honor your values within a flawed system. Sometimes you can’t. But at least you’ll know why you’re miserable.

Do I have to pick from this specific list?

Nope. The list is just a starting point. If your value isn’t there, add it. What matters is that you can name it and define what it looks like in behavior.

Brown’s seen people choose values like “Wilderness” or “Solitude” or “Play” that aren’t on the standard list. If it’s real for you, it counts.

What if I’m stuck between three values?

Keep pushing. Ask yourself: if I could only keep one of these three in a crisis, which would it be? Which one would I feel like I’d lost myself without?

Sometimes you realize that one of the three is actually a supporting value. It’s how you express one of the other two. Freedom might be how you live out your core value of Authenticity, for example.

The constraint is the point. It forces clarity.

Where to Go from Here

Look, you could read this whole article, nod appreciatively, and go about your day unchanged. Most people will.

Or you could actually do the thing.

It’ll take you maybe an hour. Probably less. But that hour might give you more clarity on who you are and what you’re doing with your life than the last ten books you’ve read combined.

Here’s what I’d suggest: grab a notebook or open a doc. Go through the values list above and circle the ones that feel true. Don’t overthink it.

Then sit with those for a bit. Narrow them down. Get to two.

Then write out the behaviors. The supporting ones and the slippery ones. Be brutally honest about where you tend to fail.

And then (this is the scary part) tell someone.

Because values work isn’t about achieving some perfect state of integrity. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to recognize when you’re drifting, and having people around you who can help you course-correct.

Brown says the most courageous people she’s studied aren’t the ones who never screw up. They’re the ones who know what they stand for and keep coming back to it, even after they’ve stumbled.

That’s all this is. A way to know what you stand for. A way to come back.

You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to get honest.

And then, once you know (once you can name the two things that matter most) you get to spend the rest of your life learning how to live them out. Which is harder than it sounds and more rewarding than you’d think.

So what are your two values?

Not the ones you wish they were. The ones they actually are.

Start there.

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Further Reading

If this exercise resonated with you and you want to go deeper into Brown’s work on values, vulnerability, and courageous leadership, here are some resources:

• Dare to Lead by Brené Brown – The complete framework for values-based leadership, including the full values exercise, rumbling with vulnerability, and building trust in teams.
• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – Where Brown first introduced the concept of “living wholeheartedly” and letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be.
• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown – A deep exploration of 87 emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human, helping you develop emotional literacy alongside your values work.
• Brené Brown’s Official Values List – The downloadable PDF of the complete values list from her website.

This exercise comes from Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead and her research on courage and leadership. The values list and methodology are available on her website at brenebrown.com. If you want to go deeper, the book’s worth reading, particularly the sections on vulnerability and trust, which are really just extensions of this same values work.